Retreat Yourself
Last September, I burned the fuck out.
I never thought it would happen to me. Burnout was an identity-shattering experience that was physically and mentally arduous. It broke me. I wouldn’t wish it on anyone.
An analogy: when you injure a tendon, it heals, but remains vulnerable, more fragile than it once was. When muscle breaks, it heals and overcompensates, becoming stronger. My burnout was more like muscle than tendon, but I can easily imagine it going the other way.
After getting diagnosed (not with burnout, though, since that’s not actually a diagnosable condition #unfuckingbelievable), I took leave from work for about a month. While on leave, mostly unable to do anything except lay prostrated on the couch and exercise (joylessly) 4 times a week, I used what tiny reserves of brain power I had to research my condition, to try to orient myself. I found Fried by Joan Borysenko. I’m not sure I’d even recommend the book if it hadn’t made me feel so seen, because I made the mistake of looking up her videos afterward and she’s doing some real new age shit now. Nonetheless, in the text, her PhD shows: there’s a whole bunch of actual research cited, which reassured me.
One thing she suggests is giving yourself a time out:
If you search the Internet, you’ll almost surely be able to find a retreat center that fits your budget. Take out your calendar and make those plans now. Otherwise, your busy life will just keep rolling along until you finally crash emotionally or physically . . . or, like I once did, quite literally.
— Joan Borysenko, “Fried: Why You Burn Out and How to Revive”
I did exactly what the book said: Googled “retreat around Montreal”, found the Monastery in Quebec, and booked myself a quarter-ending (or is that quarter-beginning) weekend there. That was my first retreat.
Since then, I've committed to doing solo retreats every quarter. Having done three, I'm positive this is something I want to keep doing for a while! I hope this scaffolding prevents another full burnout episode by helping me notice the warning signs early. I highly recommend using a similar approach if you’re at all like me and tend to go all-in, blinders-on with your projects - this serves as a scheduled step-back, a forced come-up-for-air stop to reflect and reassess.
Here's what mine look like:
Quarterly: I did mine at the end of September 2019, December 2019, and March 2020
~48 hours over a weekend: starting Friday around supper and finishing Sunday around supper
Offline: I put my phone in airplane mode or Do Not Disturb, and turn the wi-fi off on my laptop. Holy CRAP is this ever freeing. Airplane mode felt even better than DND, and I was wistful when turning the Internet back on after finishing! For emergencies, though, DND is obviously better - or asking your people to call the hotel if you do stay in one.
Off-site (preferred, but optional): My first one at the Monastery in Quebec City was as stunning as it was expensive (~$1500 for the weekend including everything: room, board, activities, and transportation). I did the second one at my boyfriend's place (who was out of town), which worked almost as well and cost me the price of groceries for myself for the weekend (~$50). I did the third one while in quarantine with my boyfriend at his place, mostly locking myself in a separate room. I’m now pretty convinced this can be done on any budget, anywhere, except you have to gift yourself the time.
Self-itinerized (that is barely a word, but you catch my drift): At the Monastery, there were regular activities included in my package - a meditation walk in the morning, and gentle yoga classes at noon and 5pm - which I liked to partake in since they gave me a soft structure; by soft, I mean that I napped through at least one. On the train into the city, I created an itinerary for myself - a schedule of what I wanted to achieve in work blocks slotted between the activities. Both times at my boyfriend's place there obviously were no externally scheduled activities, so I created my own frameworks with breaks, meals, and work blocks - once to get through a year-in-review reflection and next year's planning, and most recently for another quarterly review and planning.
“Self-itinerized”, you say, but how?
I'm probably weird in that I do these retreats as very much a mixture of "doing" and "being" time - I love coming out of them with both a clear, relaxed mind and body, as well as a plan and goals for my next quarter.
What really helps me is doing a retrospective of the previous period before doing any kind of planning. Even when I did my first retreat while still recovering from burnout, I realized that while I was feeling overall down, I had taken to painting the previous year wholly negatively in my mind. Doing the retrospective made me recognize that while, yes, there were parts that were pretty shit, there were also parts where I felt good, and up, and positive. This exercise made me feel that “this too shall pass”, more than just theoretically knowing it. It was the insight that opened my eyes - that this being low was just a phase, and that I have been through a few (albeit smaller) ones already this year and had come out on top. It really gave me hope, and allowed me to move forward.
Normally, I do a retro first, then current state, then planning, then celebration. Here’s the loose structure:
Read letter to self (I write these periodically)
Review yearly goals, previous quarter’s OKRs and whatever material I have from previous period (reflections, journals, etc.)
New benchmark, then compare to previous
New focus areas, new OKRs, augment yearly goals
Celebrate with a treat!
My plan for the next one
I’m doing my next quarterly retreat - my fourth - the weekend of June 26-28, planning my itinerary and activities as we speak.
Do you want a copy? Leave me a comment below, or DM me to let me know!
Update: Now that I’ve planned my itinerary and activities for the upcoming weekend, I figured I’d share it with y’all in this, the Post-Q2 2020 Retreat Guide. Enjoy, and let me know if you use it!
