Such Great Heights: Wrap-Up and Next Up

After almost exactly 2 months of no outside climbing, we finally got a single Quebec spring session in yesterday.

Though technically we have 3 more weeks of "spring" here in Eastern Canada, the black flies north of Montreal are out in numbers already, making for unpleasant climbing experiences via surprise “snack attacks” (them on you, you on them as they fly into your mouth, not to mention ears, eyes, and nose).

Nonetheless, I’m using the all-but-forgotten feeling of slight abrasion in my fingertips as the catalyst to finally writing up the summary of my trip and subsequent return.

So what’s the story of this sabbatical story?

Rewind: Last fall, I burnt the fuck out.

It took a 2-day retreat over the 2019 Christmas break to admit to myself that I had to drastically change my environment in order to fully recover. Then I knew I had to quit my job.

So on the 31st of January 2020, a Friday, I finished my last day of work, spent the weekend with Alex, and packed my stuff on Sunday. Jean Tetris’d our belongings into the car and we took off that Monday. I had no idea what we were driving towards, but I had only one goal: take time completely off and clear my head.

Seek Forward: COVID-19

The novel coronavirus cut our trip off neatly at the point after which we had nothing concrete planned, so we packed our stuff back up into the car (the Tetris was easy-peasy by now since we were so used to it - even with a new tiny guitar), and set off on our way back home.

The 5-day drive, while taxing, was a transition from spending the majority of our time freely roaming the outdoors to being locked up indoors 99% of the time - a sort of pre-purgatory purgatory. Not that I wanted to stop touching rocks, but I felt I was ready for the next step.

Upon arrival back to Montreal, I repeated my retreat ritual. It took those few days of reflection, but I realized that I was finally back: mentally, emotionally, physically I felt as well as I ever had. If something went wrong within my day, I was able to isolate the incident, name my emotions in relation to it, and decide how I was going to deal with it. This alone was a huge contrast from previous experience: each new pain point simply added to the confusing ball of hurt and negativity, which was impossible to untangle, and therefore required being dealt with by largely grinning (or, in my case, crying) and keeping on through it.

The biggest change I hope to carry forward from my trip is the elimination of chronic, low-grade, omnipresent stress. On the road, I’d artificially accomplished this by restricting my decision-making set to essentially 1) what do I want to climb today? and 2) what do I want to eat today? While this isn’t straightforward in the everyday life of a person who gets paid for sitting still while continuously expending a bunch of mental energy on making decisions, I still believe it is achievable. For starters, I’m committing (for now, anyway) to no more than 30 of work-work per week. This leaves me at least a day and a bit during the week to stop and breathe. For a person with natural all-or-nothing tendencies like me, this kind of forced stoppage is positively life-preserving.

Additionally, and this was a mostly quarantine realization - or rather it really crystallized and became obvious during that period - I’m really not as much of an extrovert as simply meeting me might lead you to believe. I’m the girl at the party who finds one person I’m interested in and spends the whole evening losing myself in them, falling in love. In short, when they lift confinement, I might simply choose not to come out (except to the woods).

Slight Return: I got to do so many things!!

There were a lot of firsts on the trip. I slept in a hostel (two, if we count the Rock Ranch - but with a view like that…) for the first time, and also in an AirBnB that was just a room in someone’s apartment.

I sent the hardest I’d ever climbed outside - V3 and 5.10b - and I did it for longer than I had ever previously done. I tried messing around on things that were way above my grade (V8 anyone?) and I actually had fun. I lived with Jean and away from Alex for two months. I tried group coaching, despite my apparently now evident natural aversion to group most-things. I had hot chicken that was decidedly too hot even for me (not that it didn’t come without warnings - this is the joint whose waiters’ shirts were proudly emblazoned with “even hotter on the way out”). I recorded a song in a semi-professional if touristy setting (I sounded terrible). I learned to play UNO. I saw an alligator in its natural habitat, and a Banksy piece of street art on an actual street. I visited a plantation. I had the bombest Gin Fizz at The Roosevelt. I did Mardi Gras - or, more accurately, it did me (by the way, I know it’s hard to accurately recall the timeline of events related to COVID-19, but when we were in NOLA it was certainly not a thing, and no discussion of cancellations was being had).

Next Track: Free agency, giving back, and got to be startin’ somethin’

I’ve been lucky in having been able to secure contracts with (really cool and lovely) clients amidst the pandemic. Consulting is jiving with my vibe right now. Shameless plug: take a look at what I offer, and let me know if you think I can be of assistance.

I’m also mentoring startups with Next AI and soon with FounderFuel. It feels great to help out, and as far as I recall from my own startup experience, it was incredibly heartwarming to have people external to the core team step up and help out, so I’m paying it forward.

And for something completely different: I’ve accepted an offer to join Entrepreneur First in Toronto for their inaugural Canadian cohort this fall. I’m excited to have a chance to partner with EF as I build my next thing. Watch this space!

Last Words

I am immensely grateful to everyone for their support and enabling me. I realize my hugely privileged position in having been able to take this trip. If you’re feeling similarly stuck as I was before, please reach out, I’d be glad to help in any way I can.

Thank you for reading.